Nothing left....

Hey all...
I'm having a real hard time wanting to blog...wanting to post anything to anyone. To be part of anything online right now.

I've always thought myself as a pretty friggen caring loving person. In my real life -off this computer- I always tried to be there for people. I put me, my feelings, my beliefs and opinions quiet. Always. Even when going though very bad stuff. I go out of my way. I would never have gone into nursing....nor when I couldn't do that...i stayed in a job to help the nurses

Well....I was basically called the opposite last week. Even when trying to explain what I'm going through. I felt -feel- like crap for that. The one time I stop and try and look after me...my family...I get it twists around that it's me....it hurts. (I'm sincerely hoping that wasn't the intention .... But yeah ...)

That's also made me realize that is the internet....that sometimes people don't really "know" you....that what I post on here is the happy stuff (most of the times) and that my real life isn't on here. How I treat people normally isn't shown here. But I like that. The net was my other side... I've been using it for 20years....before most people even knew what a modem was!

So I've shied away from wanting any desire to blog....I don't want to join things online that I used to love!!!! I don't want strangers judging me online. What I love....it's hurting me. And I have no idea how to express or deal with that.

My life right now sucks....and probably is going to continue that way. This wasn't planned. This is making me feel scared, angry and vey selfish. Feelings I hate.

So...world out there....if I'm not so bubbly...so caring...so compassionate for you...it's because I don't have any of that left in me to give. I'm done.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad